ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
