lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
