Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
