you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
