Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
