Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
