Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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