Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
