Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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