I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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