Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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