Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
