I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize