Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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