I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
