you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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