We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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