What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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