I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
