is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
