I want to walk on stilts...naked
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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