i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
