I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
