I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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