i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
