My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
