I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
whose parrot is this?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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