He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
