There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
