Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
