I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I can text with my tongue
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
