After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
