SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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