he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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