I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
