take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
