3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize