we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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