I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
