I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
