Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
