I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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