Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
