She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
