Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Two words: blizzard sex
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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