I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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