just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
