You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
