drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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