so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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