it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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