I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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