I need help removing her.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
