They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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