He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
