OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
