Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
