my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
