i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
