I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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