I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
