So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
