Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
