Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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