life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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