I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
